Beauty in the pain.

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I knew there was something about today that just seemed strange, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Even all the writings I did today reflected that but still, I couldn’t tell why I wanted to just let the tears that were hiding at the back of my eyes fall.

I tried to occupy my time by writing, editing, and then writing some more. But still, my heart felt heavy, and I just wanted to crawl in bed alone, and let the water works happen.

I managed to play some music to soothe my soul, but all I wanted to do was cry. Evening came, and I joined my friends on face book for our American Idol get together, and seemed to feel better.

An hour later, the tears have reappeared, and this time, they are free falling…I think I know why because even as I type this I miss her more than my heart can take.

I miss my mom!!! It’s been 11 years, but God I miss her. So for that, I am going to let the tears fall…

In this beauty, there is pain

in this beauty, there is hurt

Beauty in the additions

doesnt replace the loss

but it adds gratitude.

In this beauty, there is pain

in this beauty, there is hope

in this beauty, there is love;

Love keeps the pain beautiful

even when it’s so hurtful

Love keeps the pain fresh,

11 years, and counting.

In this beauty, tears always fall

In this beauty, there is pain

I miss you in ways unimaginable

In all of my beauty, mom i’m in pain.

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19 responses »

  1. My heart feels for you although I can’t say that I understand what you are going through. I can say that you are an awesome person and mommy. I think that she would be proud of the individual that you are (and becoming).

    Hugs.

  2. I won’t say don’t cry, cuz u need to let the pain out
    I won’t say stop thinking about her being gone, cuz thinking of her helps keep u close to her
    Her Love is like a wind now
    You can feel it, but can’t see it
    But when u close ur eyes tight and embrace ur self very hard, I guarantee u, u’d almost smell her…………………..
    So wipe ur tears girl friend…………….
    Heads up and smile…………….
    Everything’s gonna be ok!

  3. Why did i not read this early enough, i would have come over there, shake you so hard, slap you maybe 10 times and then those tears would never come falling except for joy!
    Just kidding!
    My dear friend…..11 years is a long time but no matter how long, memories never fade. The Lord is the only one that can give you that embrace which makes all the pain go away. Like Feyi rightly said, some may not understand how you feel but hey always remember that she smiles and sweetly watches over you all.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxooxoxo – till pigs fly!

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