Job Description Overview

Standard

Following the overwhelming response
To the post – Job Offer (Serious Applicants Only)
Management has decided to send out
Job descriptions and requirements

The positions (friend & lover) are opened to all
As they are equal opportunity positions
No discrimination based on any category
Gender
Beliefs
Race
Language or ethnicity

Qualified and highly skilled applicants only
As job requirements include but are not limited to
Use of the body and other
Physical demands

Full time friend position requirements:
Listening ears
Broad shoulders
Fun lover
Thrill seeker
Honest
Sincere
Willingness to use and
Be used
Outgoing
Runner and
Shopping enthusiast
Among other things

Part time lover position requirements:
Ability to do physical work
Including heavy lifting
Working with hands
Getting down dirty
And
Downright nasty

Qualified candidate
Must be multitalented and
Able to multitask
Be creative on the job
Imaginative on demand
Be a connoisseur of various positions

Proficient in the knowledge
And use of toys (no fisher price please)
Assignments are on demand and
Qualified candidate(s) must be
Handy and good with the mouth

Must be able to speak 2 languages
(Gibberish and body language)
Be able to work late into nights
And ready to leave before dawn

Be available on call and weekends

P.S. Ability to say more & more in English a fine plus
Upon finding a qualified and highly skilled candidate(s)
Employer might reveal self with a photo…
Employer reserves right not to fulfill promise
One qualified candidate can fill both positions but preferably two
Management would rather not mix roles and reserves the right to terminate
Or withdraw application at any time without notice
Please leave your resumes in the comments section (Serious and qualified candidates only)

* Psychos need not apply; there will be a thorough background check.

Boomie Bol
On behalf of management

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16 responses »

  1. Pingback: Definition of Insanity: The Standard Job Search Process - Unemployblog

  2. LMAO!!!! Love it! Ok, let’s be serious, can’t run but I’m a good walker, can I still apply for the full time position. Pls consider my resume, I really need this job.

    Great job!

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