Untitled: From My Heart, For My heart

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Good day and Good evening! Depending on what part of the world this finds you.

I need to apologize for the many posts today, 3 in total in case anyone is counting :). I do not plan to make a habit of it. However, I had to do this post tonight so please indulge me as you always have.

I am sure I am not alone in this, but we have our great days, and then there are  the not so great days. I want to assume at some point in life, everyone has experienced the not so great days more than once. I know I have, and today was no different.

See, I started out on this blogging journey to put myself out there, in hopes that I would find myself. When I say find myself, I mean reveal myself in a way that I never have before, accept it and hope that it would help me deal with my “issues” and allow for my purpose to take over.

I had no major expectations besides finding a few readers here and there; I honestly thought at best my friends would read the posts from time to time as their hectic schedules permitted.

I am glad that my low expectations have been shattered, as my blog has opened me up to a new world of people, knowledge, friendships, and inspiration. I have not only found myself, but I continue to find myself daily.

If you know me personally, have heard me speak especially in a large setting, or seen me walk in a room you wouldn’t believe this, but I am terribly insecure and self-conscious, it’s almost crippling particularly now that I have put myself out there via this forum. I literally get sick to my stomach from the nagging insecurities. Very sad!!!

I usually decide on the next day’s post the night before, sometimes something else comes and I go with it, but usually I go with my first instinct. Today however I was terrified to post what I had in mind, and did something else instead- Beauty in the world.

As at noon, the response was weak. I felt bad and slowly the insecurities crept in as I read the poem again assuring myself this is good…why isn’t anyone looking at it. I sent my sister a message, and she responded bluntly, “you need to be positive minded, you know you are good at this, it’s time you embraced it; it’s no popularity contest. Besides, why didn’t you post what you were supposed to post? You keep avoiding that post”

Her words slapped some sense into me, and I had time to think, think about a lot of things, like what these things (writing and finding me) means to me.

I decided to do the post I should have originally- “Fire of ’94. I didn’t know if I was ready to open myself up like that, but I trusted my instinct and did. Few minutes later, words found me and pulled me out of my insecured mood and assured me, this is what I was called to do. It isn’t about the response, it shouldn’t be for me and what I want out of this.

I seek not fame in this, not even financial wealth. Don’t get me wrong I will take them, but what I want from this is bigger. I want to live out my purpose, it’s how I have always defined my success “knowing what my purpose is in life, walking in it, and sewing seeds of benefits in others- John Maxwell.”

I am by no means the best writer out there, not even close…but this is what my heart desires, this is what gladdens my heart, this is what makes my body burn with passion and fiery desire.

So I have resolved in my heart to do it wholeheartedly. Would there still be days of crippling doubts, and insecurities? Hmmn…I think we all know the answer, YES!!! Am I going to let it hold me captive…HECK NO!!! I am learning to trust myself, my instincts, my abilities, and my talent. However small they may be…

After all I write from my heart, and always I write for my heart. Thank you for always indulging me, thank you for giving me your time, and attention; and many thanks for the continued and constant support. Thank you for being my honest audience.

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34 responses »

  1. At last you see the light..you are a very talented, intelligent, artistic writer. NO MORE doubting onesself. Write with your heart for your heart and all will be well. hugzz{{{}}}

  2. Just beautiful!!!! Honest and inspiring. Smiling! Have a good weekend (I am starting mine early this week.):)
    -Jennifer

  3. The fire of 94…..someone once said that what does not kill us simply makes a stronger. The fire of 94….a traumatic event 20 years old that you shouldn’t keep within any longer. The fire of 94…. Just the release you need so go ahead Ms. Blogger. The fire of 94….go ahead and tell the story and once done we’ll applaud ya.

  4. Bunmi, this is nice!!! It brought tears to my eyes. . .cos i remember those days. . .JS3/SS1. . .nice write-up

  5. I read the fire piece first. I had no idea about this post. You should never worry about response to your posts. I know that sounds reasonable, but you are going to be affected by the level of response. I just read ShimonZ’ post about just that phenomenon earlier. We are affected by what others say or don’t say, click or don’t click. He disabled his “like” button. Now, visitors have to comment or pass by. Not a bad idea. WP sends out tons of notifications of everybody’s new posts. I laugh when they notify me that they’ve sent out 135 notices. Barely a handful even click “like” sometimes. I wrote the blog for a long time in which nobody made a comment or liked anything I posted. Just keep being Boomie and writing what you write. Don’t be fearful to post it. If you decide it’s just awful, you can always delete it. 🙂 I did that once and people mentioned it. Oops.

    Your work is a delight to read, and your writing is good.

    (Hey, I’m still waiting for that first honest soul who comments that my post is a bunch of sentimental tripe. I’m going to make a generous contribution to his favorite charity.)

    Hang in there, Boomie. You are special.

    • Thank you so so very much George for the very inspiring and kind comments. It’s frustrating that I let clicks and likes get to me lol, I guess it’s the constant need for validation. Thank you so much for the reassurance. And I am a huge fan of yours, your pictures are down to earth honest. I like them!!! Have a great weekend!!!

  6. It was nice to read this post.I can find myself in it.You are very talented you just need to have more faith in you and believe in you!Have a lovely day!XOXO

  7. Thank you B for sharing this…. I have often felt the same way….. especially when writing about my son…. I’ve only been blogging for a month and am both amazed and grateful when ever other bloggers show interest in my posts. You do indeed inspire me with your words so thank you for being you!

    • Thank you for the very kind words. I am indeed amazed at the honesty and profound passion in your posts. I truly enjoy them. Thanks for stopping by as always. Have a lovely weekend :)!!!

  8. This follower enjoys reading your posts, all of them, very much. Can’t always comment for fear of repetition, trite compliments, which would be an insult to your intelligence. Rest assured, your blog is one of this follower’s favorites. Thank you for being here on WordPress…

    • You always make me smile and humble me with your sincere comments. This girl likes and respect you deeply. And i am a fan of your blog, thank you so much. Have a lovely weekend!!!

  9. Boomie, I have my insecurities too, and get worried when there is no comment on my posts. And you know the downer, my husband has never, note, never visited my blog though I talk about it all the time at home and sometimes use his laptop at home to blog, as i am doing now. My friends hardly visit, only one commented twice. They are just not into it. What is worse most of my followers and commenters are all in the diaspora, the USA. The few Ghanaian followers about 3, hardly comment. But I told myself I would not want this to worry me. I am doing something new, which I love so much and which I see as escape from my problems. I know I have great talent for writing and now that I have found so much encouragement from people like you, Boomie, I pray that God willing, I will come out with a novel. And that will be my crowning glory.

    So, dear gal, write on and we will read and support you. Hang in there, you are just great.

    • Thanks for this very honest comment. I can say that i feel you on every level, i still had a mini talk with my hubs a few nights ago about my blog and swears he reads them…at this point though while i need all the support i can get especially from people around me, i am dong this for me and i have to be able to walk it alone sometimes. My “supposed” closest friends have never even been on here, and don’t ever talk to me about the blog. I don’t bother about them anymore, because I have been exposed to a world of new people and even though some might say it’s false intimacy…i will take it, i feel sincerity in the support i receive and that for me is enough. So you are very right in not worrying yourself. You are very talented and some of the things you write I tell myself ouch i wish i wrote that :)…keep writing, you are on the edge of glory now. And be rest assured, when your novel comes out, I am buying it and so will many other people.

      Thanks always for the support, and words of encouragement. Love and Hugs

  10. I second the words above written by George Weaver. They are well put and leave little to be said. I feel fortunate being exposed to your talent and look forward to your exploration of self.
    ~RDS

  11. Boomie:

    Some posts will be better received than others. To be disappointed about this is to be like a student who is shocked by the statement “nearly half of the children in this country are of under average reading ability” (I was among students when the lecturer tried that one on and we laughed). Of the posts that get little response, some will just be unlucky: I’ve found something can go down without trace first time and cause a lot of interest when reblogged, or tried in a different forum). Some will be brilliant but a lot of people just don’t get it or are uncomfortable for reasons better examined by them than you. Some will be, by your very high standards, less interesting than others: that’s inevitable and they may still be good!

    It isn’t, as your sister said, a popularity contest, and anyway, you seem to be comparing one Boomiebol post with others, so you’re competing with yourself!

    Your posts are intelligent, passionate, warm, perceptive. Believe you are inspired.

    Readinpleasure: maybe your husband thinks your blog is your space, and while you talk about it, he should keep space from it? Some relationships are based on the idea of absolute, unconditional sharing and others on sharing but with a little space kept personal. My perception is that the second option makes sense more often to men than to women, but I could be wrong.

    • Simon,

      You are very wise and have a way with words that bring clarity to my mind. I appreciate this comment very much and thank you always for being so thorough and sincere with your comments. I really sincerely always appreciate your comments. Thank you

  12. “Wholeheartedly” I love that word. It says so much. One of my greatest wishes for you, my friend Boomie, is that you choose to live every aspect of your life wholeheartedly.

    Russ

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