Good day and Good evening! Depending on what part of the world this finds you.
I need to apologize for the many posts today, 3 in total in case anyone is counting :). I do not plan to make a habit of it. However, I had to do this post tonight so please indulge me as you always have.
I am sure I am not alone in this, but we have our great days, and then there are the not so great days. I want to assume at some point in life, everyone has experienced the not so great days more than once. I know I have, and today was no different.
See, I started out on this blogging journey to put myself out there, in hopes that I would find myself. When I say find myself, I mean reveal myself in a way that I never have before, accept it and hope that it would help me deal with my “issues” and allow for my purpose to take over.
I had no major expectations besides finding a few readers here and there; I honestly thought at best my friends would read the posts from time to time as their hectic schedules permitted.
I am glad that my low expectations have been shattered, as my blog has opened me up to a new world of people, knowledge, friendships, and inspiration. I have not only found myself, but I continue to find myself daily.
If you know me personally, have heard me speak especially in a large setting, or seen me walk in a room you wouldn’t believe this, but I am terribly insecure and self-conscious, it’s almost crippling particularly now that I have put myself out there via this forum. I literally get sick to my stomach from the nagging insecurities. Very sad!!!
I usually decide on the next day’s post the night before, sometimes something else comes and I go with it, but usually I go with my first instinct. Today however I was terrified to post what I had in mind, and did something else instead- Beauty in the world.
As at noon, the response was weak. I felt bad and slowly the insecurities crept in as I read the poem again assuring myself this is good…why isn’t anyone looking at it. I sent my sister a message, and she responded bluntly, “you need to be positive minded, you know you are good at this, it’s time you embraced it; it’s no popularity contest. Besides, why didn’t you post what you were supposed to post? You keep avoiding that post”
Her words slapped some sense into me, and I had time to think, think about a lot of things, like what these things (writing and finding me) means to me.
I decided to do the post I should have originally- “Fire of ’94. I didn’t know if I was ready to open myself up like that, but I trusted my instinct and did. Few minutes later, words found me and pulled me out of my insecured mood and assured me, this is what I was called to do. It isn’t about the response, it shouldn’t be for me and what I want out of this.
I seek not fame in this, not even financial wealth. Don’t get me wrong I will take them, but what I want from this is bigger. I want to live out my purpose, it’s how I have always defined my success “knowing what my purpose is in life, walking in it, and sewing seeds of benefits in others- John Maxwell.”
I am by no means the best writer out there, not even close…but this is what my heart desires, this is what gladdens my heart, this is what makes my body burn with passion and fiery desire.
So I have resolved in my heart to do it wholeheartedly. Would there still be days of crippling doubts, and insecurities? Hmmn…I think we all know the answer, YES!!! Am I going to let it hold me captive…HECK NO!!! I am learning to trust myself, my instincts, my abilities, and my talent. However small they may be…
After all I write from my heart, and always I write for my heart. Thank you for always indulging me, thank you for giving me your time, and attention; and many thanks for the continued and constant support. Thank you for being my honest audience.