The Poison- Friday Fictioneers 6/28

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Every Wednesday visit Madison Wood’s site to see the picture prompt for the week’s 100-word writing challenge. Write a 100-word story or poem that’s inspired by the picture. Post the writing on your blog. On Friday post a link to your blog entry in the comments section of her Friday Fictioneers post.

This week I must say I am not sure at all about what I am posting…I came up with a short story, and a poem. Each one is under 100 words…something about this week’s picture screams “appearance can be deceiving to me.” Please feel free to critique and let me know your honest opinions :). Thanks as always!!!

STORY-THE POISON

I wanted a piece so badly, after days of wandering about the forest aimlessly…I was hungry and thirsty. I spotted the berries amongsts the trees. I didn’t care if they were poisonous or safe, I wanted some…I had to have some…

There was something about them that drew me in…calling my name and speaking to me… they looked juicy and sweet.

I reached with weary and unsteady hands, standing on my tippy toes…something about these berries reminded me of Adam and Eve. I brushed off the thought, and grabbed one.

“Juicy and sweet” I thought and then all was black…

THE POEM

Things are not always what they seem
At least not around these parts

Sometimes in the quest for hope
Survival and trust
One might come across
Tempting desires
Vanishing enjoyments
Fleeting happiness
Standing out in the midst of pursuit

Appealing and inviting
Calling out…

Beware
Abstain
Refrain and curb the urges

For these desires are in fact evil
Albeit little and small
Disguising as sweet and simple pleasures

Their gratifications are temporary
Fleeting and unsatisfying
Leaving ugly and bitter reminders

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80 responses »

  1. Out of the two, I prefer the poem, but that’s just a personal opinion. I think that there’s a typo in the prose: “this berries” instead of “these berries”. The text was good, but the poem was even better. I’m on the list.

    • Thank you :). I have to say yes…i am learning daily things are not as they appear…looks can be very deceiving. I just stopped by yours and like how you wrote so beautifully well from a female perspective. Many thanks also for the follow

      • My pleasure re the follow. I was chagrined to see that I had not followed you earlier and immediately checked the ‘follow’ button. I read a lot but often keep my own counsel, so know that I’m there and rock on.

        Aloha,

        Doug

    • Thanks twinnie, truth is I haven’t been sure the past few days so i decided i will share both and see what the kind readers think :). Hope Wrigley is better

  2. Hi boomie…I enjoyed both.,..but leaning toward the poem…maybe because to me it shows deeper thought and depth. Well done. Btw, I love the name Boomie. Does it mean something? Is it a nickname? I’m on the list.

    • Thank you so much, yea i think the poem carries a bit more depth. Thank you. It is a nickname :). My original name is Bunmi short for Olubunmi- it means God gives me :).

    • Thank you so much, i really couldn’t decide which was better. So i decided to post both. The word black there meant…passing out after eating the berries.

  3. I try not to read other comments before I post mine – I was going to say I liked the story best – and see now that others have already said that! I particularly enjoyed the reference to the Garden of Eden – that was something that I thought about as well. Mine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-bl

  4. I preferred “The Poison” to “The Poem.” 🙂 I was very curious to know what the main character wanted a piece of (I was thinking pie 🙂 ). There also seemed to be a lot going on, particularly with the reference to Adam and Eve, that could have been explored further. If you reduced some of the repetition, you would have quite a few more words to play with and the text would feel cleaner.

    I’m at http://plowright.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fictioneers-19/

  5. Both are lovely, the standing on tippy toes in the prose puts me right in the mind of a child misstepping, and the poem has a wicked specificity. Actually, reading the poem, I thought you could come up with quite the dialogue between temptation and the caution, each arguing for the soul of the reader. But no pressure!

  6. Boomiebol: i was recommended to check out your site by “Osters Mom” -I have enjoyed all I have read of you blog-and will follow you. I invite you to check out my blog and follow as well, there are a variety of poems, editorials and stories on my site. I hope to check out the wednesday 100 word blog- it sounds interesting-the picture on this weeks site reminds me of my latest blog, “Blackberry Pickin'” Best wishes, beebeesworld.

    • Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and for the follow. Oster’s mom is such a sweetheart. I have just stopped by your blog and enjoyed reading your profound posts. I was trying to comment on the Raspberries post but my comments weren’t going through. The post packs a lot of power and depth. Thanks for sharing…it also brings to mind Madison Wood’s photo prompt challenge for this week. Thanks again for sharing.

      • Thank you for your kind comments and for following my blog-I have a lot to learn-I have been writing on the internet for several years, but don;t find the “lessons” very helpful-any suggestions would be appreciated. I will read more of your older blogs ASAP!

      • My absolute pleasure i truly enjoyed your blog- your poems carry a profound depth and sincerity. I am still a novice at this but i remember something a fellower blogger told me when i first started this, two simple words that might sound cliche but in my opinion are so true- KEEP WRITING!!! I haven’t stopped since.

      • Keep Writing-is something I have heard all of my life. I love to write, have been writing since I was a child. Blogging/internet writing is so gratifying. I have a lot to learn. With wonderful fellow bloggers like the you and others, I may just find a way to see if my work is as good as my friends and family have told me it is.Thanks!

      • Yea, it is the most important thing i guess. Your work is great, and your contents have depth. Keep up the great work, you have my support :). Big hugs

    • Thank you so much Madison :). Yea i think we have the same “all is not as it appears” idea going on this week. I am enjoying Friday Fictioneers. Thanks

  7. I agree with Nifti – a great metaphor for life in general with both parts to the challenge – the story is more obvious about it than the poem but the poem beautifully draws the conclusions of the story. 🙂

      • Like the poem. The berries look like raspberries to me – a garden berry in Europe which grows wild in Northern and Western Britain. They’re good to eat! I remember a Japanese lady in some group I met while out walking asking me if they were edible.

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