They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem…they are right. I wonder who “they” are by the way. They are very wise and often always right.
Yesterday I had a major breakthrough. Even now as I type this I am not sure if I am bold enough to post it…my heart is racing back and forth, and my body is trembling. No exaggerations. I wanted so badly to write and share the thoughts in my head…I wrote but hesistated on sharing. I wanted to be sure I was ready to put it all out there. I don’t know if I am…my heart and head wants me to…
For the first time, I think I am admitting my truths to myself and accepting them. This year has been a rough year…I have been thoroughly confused and angry. Angry at me for some many reasons, and this anger clouded my judgment and ability to see my many blessings, and face the truth.
For a long time, I have been ashamed of myself or who I thought I was…maybe not ashamed but unaccepting of myself, and the many parts of who I am.
I am a wife…and I don’t think I have ever embraced that. I don’t know why…I have always seen it as a restrain…a hold of some sorts that wouldn’t allow me to live fully. I don’t know if I am making sense…I didn’t know if I could be a wife and still be strong, independent, intelligent, driven, successful, and every other thing in between. I didn’t think there was any empowerment in that role…
I didn’t understand how I could balance all the roles…so I didn’t make the most of it. I am not proud of myself in anyway…but I am being honest.
Years later, kids came and I think I suppressed myself even further and didn’t know if ever I could be more than a wife and mother…I loathed that. I detested who I was.
Without thinking I started writing again…the more I wrote…the more I opened up to myself…and the more I pushed the limits and tested my abilities. My insides were crying to be free… to be accepted.I wanted out of everything that I thought held me back…until yesterday.
I was watching Dara Torres, one of my many heroes at the Olympic trials. After her swim, she waved to her daughter, and I saw what transpired between them.In that brief moment, something clicked in my head…unless I really didn’t want to be married anymore, my marriage is no hindrance to my personal growth and achievements…it shouldn’t be…it should never be.
My kids are blessings…a testament to womanhood…if anything they should be stepping stones for me to want to do better. They should be one of my empowering factors.
I come from a community where people are closely guarded…we are disposed to secrecy, and there is nothing wrong with that. For me however, my success has finally taken a toll for the better in that I have found myself…faced my truths…and I am willing to accept it. I know I am not alone in this…someone out there must know what I am talking about…someone out there must have been through this before… someone out there might be going through it now and if this can help them in anyway, then my success in this area has come full circle.
In this moment, right here, right now…I accept every part of me.Will there be challenges along the way? Yes! Are there days I would feel otherwise from how I feel today? Yes! Will I allow it to pull me into the angry and depressing state I have been the last few months ? NO.
This note will serve as my reminder…Dara Torres and millions of other women who balance it all will serve as my reminder… living honestly and without self loathe will serve as my reminder…being able to breathe and just be will serve as my reminder.
I have come a long way…I am still not the ring wearing, talking about your man and family 24-7 type of chick but I am proud of the woman typing these words…I am proud of myself.
To end this on a light note; now I feel completely naked and the whole world has seen my many strecth marks :).
I have come to a realization
Without giving too much away
I don’t want to hold anything back
I have come to an understanding
An absolute truth about myself
I am learning to embrace me
All the many components of me
The many sums of my entirety
I am no longer afraid of my many roles
No longer ashamed of them
No longer unaccepting of them
I have come to a certain realization
Embracing them all honestly
I am facing my truths head on
I think for the first time
I can live without fear
Insecurities and judgment
I am wife
Mom
Sister and daughter
And for the first time
I am unashamed and accepting
Of these roles
They don’t define me entirely
But they are the many parts of me
They don’t take away from my intelligence
And they wouldn’t hold me back from my purpose
I see them no longer as stumbling blocks
I accept them
I embrace them
I celebrate them
I will use them to empower myself
They are my stepping stones
My secrets are out
My truths are known
No longer ashamed
For the first time
I begin to live all over again
Boomie Bol 
Powerful. Beautiful.
Thank you Jill so much.
Powerful my dear! As a wife, a mother and a daughter I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m so proud of you for your openess, it takes a strong woman like yourself to be this open. Thanks again for sharing and I hope that all the great women out there will enjoy whatever phase they are in; whether be it a wife, a mother or a daughter. This piece just made my day and i’m going to enjoy being a wife, a mother and daughter. Love you girl and pls keep them coming.
Sunkie, your comment made my eyes water :). I feel completely vulnerable but free…i don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable but i can no longer pretend or hide either. Glad you enjoyed this. Yea being a woman is more than being a wife, mother or whatever…but it is also part of it and it is worth embracing. Thanks so much always for the continued support. You know i love ya right back. Big hugs and kisses
I know what you are talking about.
Thanks Sarah. Lately I have spent time reading alot of posts…and not to butter you up in anyway but i have been finding strength in your honest posts. Thanks for the continued inspiration. Glad you understand this :). Have a great tuesday
Thank you!!! That encouragement means so much to me. I hear your sincerity, my sister poet and mother. Thank you for your unyielding support.
Absolutely. Most women I know have found themselves here at some point. Brava for working your way through it and speaking openly. It will only serve to help the people–women, wives, men, husbands, daughters, sons–who come across it to better understand the pressures and difficulty of modern womanhood/femininity/personhood. Namaste.
Thank you so much Christine.
Wow, Bunmi, this is deep for me, its opening yourself up to encourage others. Very true. . .and I identify with you. . .Am learning all of this and am encouraged by your post today. . .my warm regards to the gurls. . .
Thanks so much and gald you took time to comment.
This post is gorgeous. You make me proud to be female, Boomie.
Awww Madmae Weebles, you have humbled and gladdened my heart in the biggest way. Thank you, and so very glad you enjoyed this.
WOW! So glad for the person you are becoming Boomie! You are a strong, beautiful (inside and out), smart, wise woman……I can continue but I don’t think there are enough words to describe you. I’m glad you finally see what I see…..keep doing you dear and don’t even think of stop. You are not only a wife, mother, sister, and daughter, but also a FRIEND. Love you plenty. Big hugs.
Love you plenty and bigger hugs love. Thanks always…
I am going to begin to fully enjoy being a daughter, a big sista, a girlfriend and a darn student…..
Taking off the limitations of pain, being so freaking timid n regret in my life.
Sis B… I have always liked you, I couldn’t place a finger on it! I Just placed that finger 🙂
MY FAV. POST EVER ON THIS BLOG!
Funmie you are too sweet. Glad you connected with this one. Many thanks always :).
Wonderful post. I can relate. I am sure there are a lot of other women out there who have felt the same. You are brave and beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for your honesty xxx
Glad to read this comment and knowing that someone else can relate. Thanks so much
Just catching my breathe…. Didn’t stop reading…. U av always been strong since we were kids bt u didn’t realize it… Am glad u knw now….. Don’t stop…. U wld look back n smile….. God bless u sister….. Never stop believing…… Hugz….
I LOVE YOU!!!
aww it so beautifully written 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂
We all come from a society of secrecy which is a real shame because it makes one feel all alone when in fact there are so many like us at any one time! Honesty does not always have to be a drama – as on TV – but it does have to exist, in my opinion to allow for personal change and realisations. Thanks for the heartfelt post. As you can see, there are many who relate and doesn’t that feel sadly goodish 😉 Les
I agree it sure feel sadly goodish :). I was afraid of a backlash and being thought of as selfish and ungrateful. Yea, it is just better if we can open up and help each other. So many people dealing with issues but they all stayed bottled in for fear of judgment. Thanks so much for this kind comment
Hi love, You have really reached a high level of conscious awareness here, Don’t ever come down,dear
Thank you so much. I will keep at it.
I know I’ve had those moments too. I like how you say that “They don’t define me entirely
But they are the many parts of me…”
So -true.
You are beautiful my friend & you have a beautiful familia!
xoxo
Thanks twinnie…i need to brush up on my spanish. We haven’t been watching Dora lately lol. Thanks so much and glad you understand this
They say life is Black and White or Grey !
I don’t believe in that …! Trust yourself !
You don’t have to Decide or Choose one,
It’s all yours and you are in Control !!! 😉
Thank you so much, so much :). You posts always make me laugh to mad pieces.
Great writing! Kudos to U!!!
Thank you so much
Thanks for opening up and sharing your life. The pictures — fabulous! It’s interesting. Someone looking at your life from the outside might admire it superficially — you’ve got a wonderful husband, beautiful children — so many people want that. But you say it more or less, that it’s all about appreciating you no matter what — be proud of yourself and know that you always have the power to achieve things. Have a great day!
Thanks SCB :). You said a whole lot of truths in this comment. Thanks always, and you too. Big hugs
Absolutely beautiful, I know you are a beautiful person both within and without. I love this post and that you are encouraging a lot of people to find who they really are, not getting defined by roles but who you really are inside. Tnx for sharing!
Thanks so much for reading. I really hope so 🙂
Nice one! My mother shared this with me once during a difficult period and for me in this single statement, i grew strong!… “Courage does not always roar, sometimes, its the silent voice within that says, I will try again tomorrow.” Indeed, i believe struggles are only there to take us to greater heights. Thanking God for you, for revelation, courage and breakthroughs!…. the best is yet to come darling! Much love, F
Thanks F :). Many thanks for being there…love ya
Beautifully expressed! Been there and have learned to enjoy each season…I did spend many a night wondering if I could have done something better or worrying that I had traumatized my kids or husband, but each time I would close my eyes, take a deep breath and say “tomorrow’s another day!” Enjoy ur today…tomorrow comes soon enough and ur family is beautiful!!!
Thank you so much Arlene. I am learning to take it one day at a time and i will keep in mind to enjoy my today. Thanks so much for stopping by here
Oh yes. I’m struggling with these things too. Your post made me cry a little.
Oh no…sending hugs your way. It gets better i think, we just need to take it one day at a time. If ever you need to talk or whatever i am here, i am a work in progress but others have gone before us and paved a great path…i know we can do well in all our roles, and come out successful. More hugs
OMG this is great. I am actually going through something similar. I have been married for less than a year, and before that was a very independent person. Getting married for me was a hassle, I tried postponing the wedding at every opportunity I could find, but the love of my life was ready and waiting for me. I also do not wear my ring(s), did not even have it on at my briidal shower- it scares me to be seen as a wife, i feel like I might loose myself. Oh and at the thought of kids!….. my body shivers.This piece has definately helped me see things differently, glad to know that I am not the only one feeling this way, that you have been there and have made it through. Thanks for this piece- it speaks to this independent, scared of comittment, wife and future mother.
Thanks Alero. It sure feels good that i didnt fall on my face with this post lol. Truth is we are all dealing with so many issues and need to be able to openly share them. Yea i understand the ring aspect so well…when i was pregnant, i always wore mine but only because i didnt want anyone thinking i was some young knocked up girl…wrong i know…but then it didnt matter to me, all that mattered was other’s perceptions..
Continue to take it one day at a time…trying to find joy in each day. Your hubby’s eyes oozes love when he looks at you and it is so beautiful to see…your best days are ahead of you.
What a beautiful family you all are BoomieBol! Child take it from an old woman what you went through /are going through is very much the norm nothing wrong with it. Just takes some a little longer than others, (me) . I didn’t figure mine out until early forties and after that well there was no stopping my self~discovery, I am proud to say I like me the way I am on the path I am on and you my friend should be extremely proud of where you are in life and now that you have had your epphiany you will find that you can balance on most days but there will still be days of unbalance you just have to keep on knowing you are happy and that the balanced times are more than those that are not. Does this even remotely make sense?
Thanks so much Len :). It makes absolute and complete sense and i agree…i am going to take it all one day at a time. Thanks again and many hugs
Thank you for opening yourself up like this and to everything that not only makes you a modern woman but a post-modern one–embracing your many identities. Sometimes it gets crowded in this body of ours and sometimes all our selves are in wonderful synergy…. we are full, alive, living, surging…
We are like mosaics aren’t we…. made with many pieces & beautiful because of it. I love the Artist who made us just this way–
Write on…
Yes indeed we are, and each piece makes for a beautiful whole. Thank you
This is so beautiful! I had goose bumps while reading your story. Your photos are wonderful, as are your words. It takes great strength to recognize and be responsible for your own being…and you just did it!
Oster’s mom, you have such a lovely heart that reflects in your comments. Thank you
Congratulations!
What wonderful insights and steps further on your journey.
Thank You for sharing and inspiring.
Thank you so much. I think someone I have been the one inspired by this blogging experience. It has pushed me to admit things i never thought i would admit. I am all the btter for it. Thanks always
Way to go, Boomie! At the risk of sounding condescending, I’m PROUD OF YOU! You’re like a beautiful budding flower who has begun to unfurl into an amazing display of your brilliant spirit.
Russ
Thank you so much and nope nothing sounds condescending in this kind comment :). Thanks so much. Your posts and love for your wife continues to inspire me.
As Popeye the Sailorman (toot, toot) said: “I yam what I yam”.
Looks like you have a lovely family.
Ah yes, they are lovely as long as they have had toast and orange juice, and some coffee lol. Thanks alot and yep I yam what i yam toot toot.
toot
You are soooooooo beautiful. I’m a lot older than you, so how come I’m learning from you?
Awww Resa, thank you so much. I am still learning myself :). Thank you so much and you are sooooo beautiful…loved your pictures from the awards ceremony yesterday lol. Thanks and big hugs
Beautiful, powerful, inspiring.
Thank you so much J.D. I appreciate this comment
Wow! We have seen furo if the adie! Just kidding! This is one road to being the u that God has a plan and purpose for!
I remember that picture, i took that picture and i remember that day too! One of those days i had to remind God that i still exist and was still waiting.
Boomzie u r an inspiration and i doubt very much that u know this urself! But hey i am glad u are my paddy, may God fill u with more faith knowledge to break through the barriers that would set u on the path to becoming the many facets He has given u d grace to become! By the way i want that picture if u and d girls, in a frame and hanging on my desk! Yes, now so get to it.
Love u now and always!
Ha ha ha at furo adie lol…indeed we have. Thanks mon amie. Yes you took that pic while stuffing your face with good food lol.
For that picture bring yourself to this part of the world lol…you got it. I appreciate this comment, love ya always
Ha ha ha at furo adie lol…indeed we have. Thanks mon amie. Yes you took that pic while stuffing your face with good food lol.
For that picture bring yourself to this part of the world lol…you got it. I appreciate this comment, love ya always
What a great post. I completely identify with your internal struggle. I know I had a very difficult time with the concept of “Wife” and all the connotations of that loaded word. I love that you’re speaking your truth and coming to accept those parts of yourself that you haven’t wanted to fully embrace in the past… Good for you!!
Thank you Sally so much. It is a continous work but one day at a time. Thank you
God bless you, Boomie! You are tough and awesome! And oh, you’re darling precious kids are adorable. 🙂
Thank you so much. You are so kind :).
I applaud your strength in doing this. bravo!
Thank you so much Stacy
This is beautiful, Boomiebol. As a wife, stay at home mom and grandmom, it wasn’t easy to put that hard earned college degree on the shelf years ago when i got the chance to put my family first.
Sometimes, I have lost myself completely. Watching my kids grow up and marry, have their own kids. Loosing a teenaged son suddenly, the illnesses,anger, guilt, I am only now regaining a sense of who i was. Raising a teen son now has kept me alive. My daughter said something to me that started me on my journey to live again- she said,simply, “Mom, I love you as you are now, I ask no more of you than you can give. ” Your photos were beautiful. beebee
Thank you so much. Your daughter is very wise and kind. I think the reward is seeing our children grow up to be all God has purposes that they be. My heart aches for you over your son. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much
I needed to read this. You are definitely not alone in this. You reach out to so many hurting people with your honesty – beautiful realization.
Thank you so much, i am so glad that people are connecting to this. There sure is strength in numbers.
a beautiful testament to who you are and who you are striving to become, Boomie. I can offer no insight for I am on the opposite spectrum…I’ve chosen not to be married and I’ve never had a child…my life offers freedoms of a different kind, but it makes me no more independent than you. As I grow older, I see what I miss. We are all on a path, married or single, mother or childless, writer or reader… in the end, it is the core (our soul that is uniquely ours) that defines us and makes us what we shall be on that last day of our life when others shall remember what we gave to this world. peace & hugs for taking the leap toward a new vision ~
Thank ypu so much Angela. I appreciate this ” in the end, it is the core (our soul that is uniquely ours) that defines us and makes us what we shall be on that last day of our life when others shall remember what we gave to this world” it is so true. I hope i can continue to do and be better on all levels…Peace, love and many hugs. Hope you had a great 4th
I think that’s a good thing. Too many women get wrapped up in being wives/girlfriends and/or mothers that they tend to forget themselves in the process. While for women who are in relationships and who have children those are definitely positives, but those shouldn’t be their only attributes.
I commend you for your honesty.
Thank you so much Dienna. And i agree with you, so many more things define us. Great to “see” you on WP after a while off 🙂
this really deep Booms! i feel you completely.Its quite easy to loose yourself in all of life’s issues. I’m glad its not too late and we can find ourselves again. love u muchos girl!
Thanks Moji. I agree, it’s not too late and we can find ourselves again. Love u more sis:). Big hugs
I am sure most women have felt the same way some time or another. Only, you express it a whole lot better 🙂
Thank you so much Madhu, you are ever so kind to me. Your visit and kind comments are always appreciated. Thank you 🙂
This is one of the best posts I have read on this blog ever Boomie. You have a beautiful family, May Almighty bless you and your family with health and happiness.
With much love,
-Naima.
Naima, you are such a darling and coming from a writer like you I am deeply humbled. Thanks ever so much. Amen. Love much
You are beautiful and so is your family, I was very delighted to read this post. We all need to make confessions to ourselves one day or the other, I am glad you accepted that freedom is never bounded whether you are a mother or wife.
Happy Writing sweetheart 🙂
Hugs,
Naima.
Thanks so much Naima. You are a wise young woman. Keep at it :).
Hugs
You’re always welcome 🙂
Hugs right back to you too ❤
-Naima.
You are absolutely, utterly not alone. These are facets of you, aspects. They don’t define you.. you’re correct. But, what ONE thing could define you? See, you’re too real for that. As a lover, stepmother, daughter, friend, healer, artist, dreamer, pragmatist, fixer, destroyer.. on and on and on.. I’m just me.
And who you are is exactly the perfect thing to be.
Thank you so much…a whole lot of truths in this comment. Thank you!!!
Love you all the more for this naked truth. Marriages and parenthood are total blessings which should be without limitations but oftentimes we hold ourselves back because we feel we are not entitled to achieve more. Truly inspiring piece and I look forward to receiving an invite to your book signing soon.
Thank you so much :). I am going to work on being and doing better so help me God.
Beautiful and powerful! I am happy for you! I also love the pictures! 🙂
Thank you so much :). Happy 4th
this is so beautiful! Amazing how you can so easily and comfortably shuttle between poetry and prose! Yes, you are you and you have every reason to be proud of what you are and to love it!
Thank you so much Noel.
can I re-blog to encourage other women out there?
Oh wow! Would be an absolute honor. Absolutely, thank you so much
Wow wow wow. Thanks for the naked honesty. I’m going through the male version of your same struggle. It’s damn frustrating.
BTW – you and your family are SO beautiful.
Blessings
I salute your courage as a male to recognize and attest to this. I never thought any man would be able to relate let alone acknowledge it, but the truth is it can go both ways. It sure is…I continue to work on myself asking God to help me daily. Thank you so much :).
I see you have gotten many comments on this post, and for good reason. Your naked honesty (as legion writer so aptly called it) is not only refreshing, but it speaks to the very soul of all who read it. That is what “naked honesty” does. It goes straight to the heart and soul and people reverberate with the truth. Some call it “striking a chord.” Whatever it works.
If I may, your comment in reference to your children, “They should be one of my empowering factors.” is absolutely true. Embrace the power of that sentiment! Let those children be the reason for you becoming a better mother, wife, woman. Let them drive you to places of encouragement, knowledge, and wisdom. Model for them what wholeness in a powerful, compassionate, loving woman looks like.
Be encouraged!
Thank you so much for this in depth comment. I am learning every day to embrace all that is around me especially family. I will continue to. Thanks so much for the encouraging words, i will hold them with me as constant reminders. I appreciate this uplifting and timely comment. Thank you!
Openness is always the first step to growth…
Be encouraged!
Your incredible post here is exactly why I love blogging. We get to share, witness, and support each other as we grow. Your words touched me deeply as I too have suffered many similar thoughts. I posted a wee bit about my mother today but you wrote it perfectly when you said you are from a family that is ‘guarded’. My family also did not talk about things, of depth. Of Truth. I too tremble at times with what I am about to post. So I celebrate your courage, and cheer you on with very honest words of support that you help me in my journey, and I cannot find the words to thank you enough. (also thank you for sharing the photos of your gorgeous self and gorgeous family). Hugs, Gina
Thank you so much Gina, i really appreciate your comment. I stopped by your blog earlier and read your post. A fine and inspiring tribute to your mom and family. Thanks for your continued support. Hugs, Boomie
B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!!
Thank you so much!
This was so lovely to read. Thank you for posting.
Thank you so much for reading. Glad you enjoyed it :). Have a great evening
Great post Boomie, you are every woman. The seasons of our lives take us through those stormy waters. When we are bold enough to let down our guard and share, then we are able to heal and grow. Cheers!
Aunty Tade,
First thanks so much for stopping by my blog and then taking time to comment. I really appreciate this. Thanks also for the uplifting comment.
Wow, wow, and wow again! What a wonderful and brave inward introspection that you turned outward and shared with the world! One never knows when some minor moment in the day will trigger a major turning point! Thank you for sharing, and congratulations! Great post! Z
Thank you so much Z. I agree minor moments sure can trigger a major turning point. I have seen Dara Torres so many times but never saw her in that light…i am sure glad the Tv was on in that moment :). Thanks so much
I am truly, truly happy for you, Boomie. 🙂 *hugs*
Thanks so much, you are my new sister from another mother lol. Big hugs
Well said, you just keep getting better. 🙂
Thank you so much !!!
What can I say, Boomie? I salute you, I lift up my glass to you and say ‘woman, thy name is greatness’. Boomie, I’ve been there and back. I’ve come to love who I am, and I’m glad to say that blogging has been so releasing for me. I’ve found myself and I love me, myself and I, fat and all. My role as a mother was never in dispute, though I had to work on the wife bit and thanks be to God, my husband is gaining a better and deeper understanding of the many facets of the woman he married. And it is mutual.
This is a beautiful post, Boomie and I am happy for you. You have such handsome husband, take care of him and love him with your heart. Never look back on loving him, never hold back on loving him. Many hugs and kisses to the wee ones. Cestone!
Thank you so much. So help me God :). I am glad i am not alone in this and women can actually pull from one another if we can just open up without judgement and being judged. Appreciate this one Cestone
I came from a culture in which women were identified by their husbands’ roles. I didn’t understand how anybody could be an extension of anybody else. I married my husband at Christmas in 1960 during my freshman year in college. We went our separate ways. When people asked why I didn’t wear a wedding ring, the only thing I could think of to say was that I didn’t wear a ring in my nose either. (People put rings in the noses of hogs to keep them from rooting under the fences and escaping their enclosures.) My not wearing a ring was not a protest or a rebellion kind of thing. I just didn’t like what I saw in the role of mother-wife women and I knew I was not one of them. I never thought of myself as “wife”. The concept of lover, friend, partner came naturally to me. The role of mother was kind of an accidental thing. I didn’t do that conventionally either. My daughter just kind of came along with me … for the ride. I didn’t worry about whether I was a good mother or a good wife. I was a human being first. I didn’t struggle with the woman role thing. I just did what felt right for me without ever thinking about it. Now, I understand that I was an odd sort of woman then, but I never knew it. I thought every other woman I knew was a fool, I guess. I loved your description of not talking “babies” 24/7. I used to stand with the groups of men at conventions to hear what they were doing in business while the other wives talked fashion, kids and recipes in their groups. I was not one of them and they knew it as did I. You’re an odd duck. What amazes me is that women are struggling to save their identities fifty years later than I saw it. WOW. Society has a stronghold on women even now! Just do your thing, Boomie. Whatever feels right to you IS right. 🙂
Oh i love your comment. I like that even years before my time, women felt like this. Yea the whole wife concept is a scary one…so much pressure, too many expectations…it’s a tough one. I am learning to take things one day at a time…but doing what feels right to me. Motherhood is a huge responsibilty that i never thought of…and then God gives me two at a time lol. For a Nigerian girl i really am, but like you rightly said “i will do my thing” I am learning to embrace it all. Thank you so much.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m a single mom of a 12 and a half month old and I’ve been having a REALLY difficult time accepting that and that Baby A’s father many never come around. It’s funny how so many of us as women are so insecure in the roles we are given and yet we manage to excel in them nonetheless. I wonder when it won’t sting to have to say or write that I am a single mom. When I won’t get nervous about revealing this truth – that has become SUCH a HUGE part of who I am to new people that I meet. I’m having a difficult time because it’s genuinely not something I ever would have imagined for myself or my child. As an educated woman of color I really resent that my relationship ended the way that it did and now I’m a statistic of some sort or another. I guess I always imagined that I’d have what you have.
The pictures are lovely. I can see in your smile that you realize how blessed you are. Remember that and when you aren’t sure which hat to wear, wear them all!
First off, thanks so much for stpping by to read this post and taking time to comment. I can understant to an extent how you feel. I am sorry you have to deal with it but sometimes life deals with us in ways we never imagined or expected.
There are so many single moms out there and it is a lot of work but somehow they make it happen. My older sister is…not what she wanted but its her reality. I understand also the whole educated woman of color aspect too…when i was pregnant i made sure i had my ring on…silly. You know we are bigger than peopl’s perceptions and stereotypes. BIGGER! The best we can do for ourselves and children is to raise them right with love and passion. Open them up to see the beauty in life..yes it might be tough but many strong women have paved the way ahead of us, and we have come too far to let shame, unexpected life curves and many other issues stop us.
You are a wonderful and strong mom, and you will do great. A friend told me once that regardless of how i present myself to people, whoever will like me, will like me…just be open with yourself and with your heart. I like your honesty and i am glad you connected to this post.
Sending you big hugs and love…going over to your blog now :). I appreciate your visit and very honest and kind comment.
Yes, there is someone (probably a lot of us!) out here who “gets it.” I raised two daughters, too, and struggled for years with my sense of identity. Now, after all these years I see that all of it was valuable, and made me who I am today… and I’m still growing!
Thank you so much for sharing thi. It’s amazing how some issues connect a lot of us depsite generational and geographical gaps. I am still learning too, and have very far to go. I am learning to be in the moment, learning contentment, and gratitude. I hope it gets only better for me and everyone dealing with this. Thank you so much for stopping by.
Amazing Boomie. Gorgeous, gorgeous honestly.
Thank you so much Jennifer. I appreciate this
We are happy for you! For finding out you are more than you thought you were and that all the parts of you create a powerful being – not the opposite. We hope you know you are entitled to happiness and joy and peace and love and every good thing! We hope you have helped others struggling with the same sort of imbalance and the feeling of being crushed by life – and its changes. You have so much to offer and in this post you have given us so much. We applaud your honesty and your breakthrough. Our hope for you is happiness without borders, peace unending, love in excess and positive growth as you move forward knowing you are in control and nothing can hold you back from you!
Your family is beautiful as are you!
Thank you for sharing.
We look forward to your success!
Thank you so much for these kind words. I really appreciate them.
Thanks for writing this. I really struggle with feeling like I’m not enough or not doing things the “right” way. It’s easy for me to feel trapped, too.
Thanks for reading Isabella. I just read your post and have been trying to comment but to no avail. I hope this one goes through…here is the comment i was trying to leave on your post
“Good for you. One of the biggest gifts and lessons we can give ourselves is self acceptance, once we know and own who we are, we can accept ourselves without compromise…my comments aren’t going through on WP. I hope this does. Very well written.”
Amazing post! Brave of yourself to accept of those truths about you. Sharing it with the world is even more so. Such a great accomplishment. I am sure you feel lighter. Not having to carry the weight of those thoughts, those feelings… I congratulate you! Send you many blessings. Your family is beautiful.
By the way, reading your post reminded me of a great book “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford” If you haven’t read it, I recommend it. It will assist you on your journey.
All the best!
Thank you so much. I will check it out on amazon toonight.
I am taking things one step at a time, but in this moment, i am happy i took this step. I really do feel lighter…no more secrets…no lying to myself.
Thanks a lot for your kind words and constant support.
Wow!
Firstly I want to thank you for visiting and liking my blog.
After reading yours it feels rather light and inadequate.
I am filled with admiration for your honesty and courage – and your writing.
I will be back.
Hugs
Thank you so much :). My absolute pleasure. I will be by yours again later today. I am having some issues with WP but hopefully it can all be resolved and i can go back to blogging without stress.
Your visit is sincerely appreciated. Thank you!
Boomie, thank you for sharing your heart in this post… I truly understand and appreciate…and love the way you expressed yourself here…. yes we are so many things… so many facets to the human spirit — acceptance and embrace of this facets is the most genuine way to heal and expand…. you are just beautiful on every level ~~ Much Loe ! RL
Thank you so much Robyn Lee. I really appreciate this kind and generous comment :).
Most welcome….and forgot to say how precious your little ones are … can see how they might inspire and empower ! Much Love Boomie!
Thank you so much :). They are often lovely in pictures but at this moment they are screaming on the top of their tiny lungs running around the house lol.
Much Love and Hugs
Love !!!
Thank you always Robyn…always
Hey, that’s a really brave and beautiful thing you’ve said. I’m not a mother or a wife, but I can relate to what you’ve said here. And I’m sure you’re not alone. Power to you (and your gorgeous family) 🙂
Thank you so much Alarna. I really appreciate your kind comments :).
So I finally trying to catch up with my B.Bol readings……. I love this. Great job B… Proud of ya.
Sweet :). Thanks Bro always a pleasure seeing you around here. Mucho love to my people. Thanks
You have a beautiful family, Boomie, and now that you have gained these insights and freedom you can begin to really appreciate them on greater levels while making the most of your gifts. Well done!
Thank you George. I really appreciate your comment.
Your quite welcome! Delighted to see such a great breakthrough.
Thanks for following my blog, vbholmes.wordpress.com. I read your post, “Accepting my Truth” and enjoyed seeing your beautiful family. Much happiness to you as you move forward.
Thank you so much.
Well said. None of us can ever be totally defined by one role, whatever it is (well, maybe a baby can be, but we’re not babies).
What’s more, a mother, wife, work colleague, representative or whatever who has something else in their life is a better mother, wife, colleague, representative if he/she can communicate it.
Well said and expressed. Thank you so much
Boomie….this is one of the most empowering and inspiring pieces I’ve read in a very long time….Beautifully expressed…..what an absolutely gorgeous family….and what a great gift to have found your site!!
Thank you so much for these very kind comments. I enjoy your blog as well.
Accepting the truth.Excellent post.l hope many people will read it.Thank you for liking my newest post. Regards.Jalal
Thank you so much. I really enjoyed your post and was going to comment, but today has been super busy…I really hope other African nations can also take a cue from Egypt and other countries that are finally standing up for themselves…enough is enough.
Ofen times the biggest and deadliest sacrifices have to be made for true and genuiue change to occur…i think that is what is happening in these nations and needs to happen in Africa, and especially my home country Nigeria…I really hope it gets better in Syria because the madness is just ooverkill now…the president should be ashamed of himself…he is a disgrace to humanity…such greed and evil over power. Sorry about my rant…i hate really heated and charged over these issues. I hope change comes and soon. Thanks always for stopping by
heartfelt and beautifully written
Thank you so much and very nice of you to say
Boomie, I am glad you are getting so much great feed back. Clearly you struck a major cord in many ladies who know where you have been. Maybe it is because I am a guy but I didn’t get it the way so many did. To me it is as though you described being in a hurricane and escaping the violent winds then describing the peace better than what caused the hurricane in the first place. I enjoyed it but feel I missed the point to a large extent. My bad, or a girl/guy thing?
You got it on another level. My mind was really a hurricane violent and ready to explode…I hid it well but inner thoughts and depression drove me almost mad…I was unhappy and could no longer pretend. It was either stay or leave…then something clicked. I hadnt really honestly given my marriage a chance…I looked at what could be and ignored the reality. I decided to embrace my reality…
It’s better these days…I am accepting the ” abnormalities” of me and the normalities too. I remain a work in progress, one day at a time. A lot of women connected and so it made me feel somewhat bettr…
Your man and daughters (the two cutie-pies!) certainly deserve your finest efforts and I am sure your efforts will be more than enough when mixed with your expressions through your talent. Boomie, anyone can be a depressed wreck, but only the chosen few can play the tune of words so that all can understand they are not alone.
Absolutely! Thank you