Sorry, folks. Boomie isn’t back from vacation yet, so you’re stuck with me for a bit. “Who is this weirdo?” you may be asking yourself. I’m just an average guy who has been blessed with an overactive imagination.
My name is Adam. I write (mostly) horror stories. “So what are you doing here?” you’re probably saying. To be honest, I have no idea. When I agreed to this undertaking I must have been tired and delirious. Who do I think I am that you people would care about what I have to say? The truth is Boomie has thrown me under the bus as a sacrificial body. She’s mad I tell you, completely off her rocker! She probably should have gone with a virgin. All of my sources say they make good sacrifices. Untainted blood and whatnot. I begged and pleaded to not have to do this, but she wouldn’t listen. She grabbed me by the shoulders and just tossed me under that speeding double decker with no regard for my well-being. I stood no chance. She caught me off guard.
Who am I kidding? We all know she wouldn’t do that. Thanks for the opportunity to spew my words on your blog, Boomie.
Now on to the business at hand. Our topic of discussion today will be aardvarks. Yes, aardvarks. What’s that? You don’t care about aardvarks? Ok, fine. I won’t rant about aardvarks and the high probability that they have super powers. Yes, super powers, but you don’t want to talk about that so I’ll pick something else. Are you happy? I had this whole post on aardvarks ready to go, but I guess I’ll just have to wing it and talk about something else since you don’t want to hear about aardvarks.
You’re sure you don’t want to hear about aardvarks? Fine, fine. Something else it is. Considering I’m a writer of the horror variety and lover of all things strange, it should probably be something paranormal. How about we talk about a little known place in Manastash Ridge, Washington? The place goes by the name of “Mel’s Hole”. Grow up; it’s not that kind of hole. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Mel’s Hole is your standard, basic hole in the ground. “What’s so weird about that?” you’re probably asking yourself. Lucky for you, I know the answer. Mel’s Hole is purported to be bottomless and also capable of some seriously strange things. Did I forget to mention that?
First a little back story. The nine foot wide hole was a dump site located on the former property of a man named Mel Waters near Ellensburg, Washington. Nobody seems to know where this hole leads and nobody knows how deep it truly goes.
Mr. Waters has since moved, but the hole remains, if it actually exists. He claims to have sunk fifteen miles (yes, I said fifteen miles!) of fishing line into the hole and still didn’t find the bottom. That’s one seriously deep hole! Of course, it’s hard to believe anything he says after the next farfetched claim.
He claims a neighbor of his threw a dead dog into the pit, only for the dog to return, alive, out of the nearby woods. Sounds like he may have been in to some serious drugs, doesn’t it? Either that or that hole breaks some serious laws of the universe. Our scientists are going to be disappointed when they hear this depressing news. If that were truly the case, wouldn’t the entire world know about the place capable of bringing the dead back to life? Do I smell a zombie movie being born from this place?
Wait, there’s a bit more weird to go around. Some people are saying that this hole in the ground is actually a tunnel and gives credence to the “Hollow Earth” theory first proposed by Edmond Hailey, as in Haley’s comet. The theory is completely bogus in its own regard, but if you aren’t familiar with it, it’s basically broken into two subsets. The first of which is that the earth is entirely hollow. The second subset is that there is another world below the Earth’s crust. The second theory is the basis behind books like A Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne.
Personally, I think Mel’s Hole is nothing more than a hoax by a man trying to make a buck, but I never met the guy, so I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen on occasion, me being wrong, not bottomless pits being real. That’s something I’d have to see to believe.
Even though I don’t believe it, it’s certainly fun to entertain the possibility of the whole notion.
That’s all the time I have, folks. Boomie is shaking her head in regret for letting me take hold of her microphone and vomit my words all over her crowd.
As a local radio DJ around here says every time he signs off: “Keep it in your sneaker.”
*Adam Ickes is a writer of mostly horror. He is fascinated by things that go bump in the night and creatures that shouldn’t exist. His collection of thirteen short stories, Fright Night, written under the pen name Brandon Scott, is available on Amazon for 99 cents. Currently, he is working on two novellas and a novel, all in various stages of completion. Visit him at adamickes.wordpress.com.*