The Cult- Friday Fictioneers 8/24

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Friday Fictioneers by Madison Woods is up and running, and this week’s image was provided by Maggie Duncan. Many thanks to Maggie and Madison.

This week I came up with a fictional story of about 108 words. Feel free to check out Madison’s site to participate, and as always comments, and constructive criticisms are welcome. Thank you!

Image courtesy of Maggie Duncan

The mist continued to blanket the skies and open fields as our leader instructed us to  keep our hands raised in worship. Even as the weather and discomfort intensified, Farouk said “god” was in the air and we would soon see his face in the clearing…

My sister and I were sweating like pigs as feeble hands raised for over an hour had started to tremble…

Things got worse when the children began to drop like flies…our hearts skipped beats like scratched record players when Farouk asked that we ignore what was going on…

“god needed the demons out before he showed…” he said…

My sister’s tiny body hitting the ground was the last thing I remembered…

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81 responses »

  1. A great take on the prompt – very vivid. I wonder if the first sentence would work better as two – with a full stop after ‘worship’?

    Thanks for visiting mine.

  2. Forcing people past their physical limits and blaming them for collapsing – now there’s the face of evil! What an awful situation for children to be trapped in. You do a great job of building the tension as the story goes on 🙂

    • Thank you so much, and how scary is it that some of these things are true…i hope anyone in such situations have their inner eyes opened to the truths around them. Thanks again for stopping by to read

    • Thanks Adam. Yea, I often wonder as well. I think many of the leaders know the weaknesses and fears of the people the prey on and take advantage of that. Unfortunately, many of these people are too caught up in trying to find help or hope they can’t see they are getting into worse situations than they started out with.

  3. This is a powerful story of the realities we have seen in the United States as elsewhere. Sad stories of people getting caught up in mixed up, misinterpreted theologies of those that the Bible describes as “wolves in sheep’s clothing.” Good images of real people here with real life fanatical leaders. Very well done.

  4. Pingback: Awards | Thoughtbaker

  5. Good night! I knew from the title it would be intense and it was. The last few sentences made me feel anxious. Great job.

  6. Amazing work Boomie — you are incredible in the span of writing style you can tackle!! This so reminded me of the play “The Crucible” — My daughter played ‘Abigail Williams’ in her high school’s drama performance. It is amazing how the mind can be influenced… this was powerful!! xo

  7. I echo all the positivity in these comments. I think i stopped breathing half way through… goes from frightening to heart wrenching with “My sister’s tiny body hitting the ground…”. Very nicely written.

  8. You lure us right into the heart of your cult and it’s not a comfortable place to be. Well done! There’s a bit of a mix up on tenses throughout the piece, for example “F said “god” was in the air and we WOULD soon see his face (or IS and will if you prefer, but not was and will).
    This definitely feels like part of a long story – I wonder what’s going to happen to the ones who dropped…
    I’m over here; http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/friday-fictioneers-far-afield/

    • I just always associated these cults with gods…i believe in God, a good one, and he is never what is described by these cults…off to yours now. Thanks so much for stopping by

  9. Beautifully done. At first I was going to quibble about “god” should be spelled with a capital “G”. But not this God. Perfect! I am #60 but I just moved everything here from blogger to wordpress. Hope to read more of your writings in the near future.

    • Thank you so much, yea these sorts of god in my opinion are small gs’. Very nice of you to stop by and glad to have you here on wordpress. I liked the history take on your story, well done!

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