Sharing Some Of My Deep Thoughts- Guest Blog

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It’s been so long so I wrote to you Lord.

Sometimes I wonder if I am living, I mean truly living my best life. I see myself morph into someone I do not recognize. I see myself down trodden by the cares of life and paralyzed by all manner of fear. In fact, I know this is not my best life.

I keep waiting for the best time, the next time, for more time. The truth is…today is all I have, today is all I need. I am so blessed. God has been so kind. Who am I that the Lord would bless me so? I am in a place of in between where my reality is removed from my dreams…. But my dreams are not that far away, I can still taste it, I can still see its shadowy haze… all I need now is the Lord’s light to guide my path. All I need now is to try harder and live with more purpose.

The truth is I have not been giving my all. The truth is…I make excuses every day. The truth is I live a life that borders on frivolous; I live a life that is not purposeful… I don’t even want to think of wasted hours, to think of mindless thoughts and conversations… what does it benefit me to dwell on the past?

Awesome to think, that I still have a chance, that all is not lost. I am ever grateful to my God for second, third, fourth, fifth and endless chances. I am no longer shielded from the sting of death, no longer unaware of my own mortality. Forced into a place of deep realization, forced into a place where I know things must change. I must change.

No longer do I want to live in a state of madness, doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different results. Ha! I want freedom; I need freedom from this stagnant and unproductive state of mind.

Who can I turn to? Who will pull me out of this sinking feeling…? Only you Lord. You have the power to save; you have the power to restore. You have the power to rewrite the script, change the path, and anchor my destiny.

In the end, what do I want for ME? Who am I? I am your child Lord. I need to live my life for you. I need to live a life that spells impact, spells courage, hard work and dedication. I need to live a legacy of love, sacrifice and faith for my children. I need them to see a woman who is indeed free and in being free, chooses life, chooses sacrifice, chooses love and chases her dreams.

I need to live a life that is not filled with regret, and not scarred by untapped talent and unused opportunities. Like one of the Groupon policy states, I am reminded that my value still remains…though the due date is long gone….I can still redeem because my redeemer lives!

Written by Flakey G
© 2012

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