Thoughts Out Loud

I lay here in my bed thoughts of Alton Sterling’s death playing in my mind. 

Nights like this bring so many questions to mind… Questions that can never be answered… Or truly understood.

I contemplate faith… Grace… And a good God. 

I was born a Christian, and endeavor to live as such. I am born again although I question that all the time. 

Weary nights, and disheartening events like the repeated killings of young black men cause me to ponder on the notion of a good God.

A good God, and the beliefs that pertain to him were brought to the shores of Africa by the same people who constantly seek to oppress us… And I wonder how they can tell us about a God so pure…so good…so true…yet seek to destroy us… How can this God allow them?

Faith runs ahead of me many times, and leaves me contemplating…

Tonight as I approach the cross roads of pain and hurt… I find myself at the corner of disappointment and disdain… I ask this good God to come to the rescue of the oppressed… The ones who we have been told are also created in His image

7/6/16 9:21pm

Moment of Resonance

Our screams should echo past the minute….

Past the moment(s) of silence…

We have had too many…it is time to be loud…let our voices be heard…

Yell…ENOUGH

Demand…ENOUGH

For Orlando, Sandy Hook, Colorado, and sadly frighteningly the next victim(city)

(c) Boomiebol2016

Last Day of Kindergarten

 

It is amazing how time flies. We all know and say this but I am not sure we completely comprehend it. Time is truly fleeting.

As I drive to work today, I remind myself that it is the girls last day of kindergarten, and like last night I get emotional.

Any sane parent will tell you “oh gosh that means they will be home all day every day the entire summer, or they will go to summer day camp which is quite a fee.” Either way, it is not quiet around the house. “Can school continue all year round?”

However, as I drive to work it feels just like a minute ago I dropped them for their first day, and cried as I walked back to my car. Wishing I could take them back home with me and just protect them… Keep them my babies forever…

Well kindergarten is over and they have grown so much… Learnt a lot and are so proud.

In between missing tooth, fiery desire to wear dresses on cold winter days, and we never watch TV tantrums, I am emotional knowing this milestone marks them growing, and slowly moving into the real world… And I can’t take it… They are just babies after all…

Last night as I tried unsuccessfully not to think about this, I wrote individual letters to their teachers Mrs. Miller, and Mrs. Rubin thanking them for everything. They truly are the best as are teachers in general.

The girls are fortunate to have had such excellent teachers as part of their growing years. And while, I am emotional because using sad is too gloomy, I try to focus on all they have accomplished these last few months, and manage not to burst into wails…it doesn’t help that I am going into work…

They are blooming readers, writers, and artists. Pekun is super sweet with amazing maturity, and leadership qualities. Ponle is, well Ponle lights up a room with sincerity, innocence, joy, and her humble confidence is a fantastic delight.

Their accomplishments remind me that they are growing and need to grow; it also leaves me sad because they are no longer my “no anymore, ok” babies. They are becoming young girls and my pride in who they are becoming leaves emotional… And so as I drive to work and ponder on their 6 years, and the last year of kindergarten I cry like that first day back in August.

I cannot but thank their teachers again and of course their wonderful Woods Creek School. 

Ponle Pekun if I don’t say it enough, I am super-duper proud of you… And so you get chocolate cupcakes as after school treats today.

If I had the platform, I will scream it from the highest peaks… You make me prouder every day and your perfect imperfections remind me of how far we have come… You are both the best thing I will ever do.

Bravo on finishing kindergarten and here’s to a wonderful summer and even better 1st grade. Your best days are ahead of you.

Thank you again Mrs. Miller, Mrs. Rubin. Go Woods Creek!!

6/1/16 7:24am

I cried for another few minutes, dried my eyes, and walked into the office building ready to take on the day…today’s grace comes from their loud laughs last night expressing how excited they are about the last day of school…giggling about their experiences, and friends…whispering as they doze off to slumber that I am the best mom they ever had…

For the girls at age 6

What we have become these past six years.

Every painful tear, childish tantrum, silly laugh, provoked smack, back rubs, and grateful smile. Every pause and silence deeply jolted by magnifying screeches and falling noises is our story as a family. It is what we have become these past six years…what we will continue to be…

Having you both has brought us into ourselves slowly but most certainly. Love for you brings the reality of what we have become to the forefront of our minds. It brings a reminder always that family is the foundation of who we are, who we want to be…who we want you both to be.

Love

Strong

Bold

Proud

Thankful Always

Happy

Honest

Content

Determined

Disciplined

Grateful

Humble

Hardworking

Kind

Responsible

Wise

Gentle

Brave

True

Kind in every possible way

What we have become these past six years is nothing short of family. Nothing short of love… if ever there is anything you learn from me (mom) or your dad, it is that love is true, it is kind. Let love rule your hearts and kindness guide your thoughts. Let it embolden you both to truth and integrity.

Let the laughter of late night tickles propel you to lasting joys, let the best back massages soothe your hearts to rest… let it remind you of the comfort that is family.

Let our kisses and words be always in your hearts long after they are said…let them remind you what we have become these past six years…what we continue to be… let them uphold you in wisdom.

Let the stern talks and tough looks coupled with resounding NOs and time out sessions help you to understand discipline and life…the toughness it can be…the downs it can bring…let them help you to understand times and seasons…life while not always pleasant is still a blessing.

Let the grateful smiles and lingering I love you remind you that you are loved yesterday, today, tomorrow, and always…your very presence speaks love…how can it not…your infectious sweet smiles spell LOVE.

Ponle, let confidence continue to find you with genuine smiles and carefree laughter, let innocence guide you with instinct and caution. Let grace light your path always. Let wisdom raise you.

Pekun, embrace your heart’s shy tendencies, yet hold your head high knowing there is so much inside you. Smile as often as your heart wants, let nothing hold you back. Grace goes always ahead of you and your sister to hold you both strong.

Find courage in who you both are, and as always LOVE each other loudly and boldly. There would be no better best friend than both of you together as sisters and friends…both of you together is what we have become these past six years…what we continue to be…Family.

Tears find their way to my heart every year as I write these things…I think it is love pouring from me…reminding me what such immense blessings you both are…what such great and unmerited graces were bestowed on me…

Sometimes I think it is fear pouring out…fear that can come with being a parent, a mom…a role model to the biggest treasures in one’s life…fear of uncertainty…fear that I am not doing it right…fear that I am overdoing it…fear that pushes me to faith…

Faith which pulls, and propels me into a gracious reflection of what we have become these past six years…what we are…what we continue to be… it is nothing short of family…a most comforting foundation…a most assuring grace… a redefining joy…a dignifying love.

HAPPY SIXTH BIRTHDAY P.K.

HAPPY SIXTH BIRTHDAY P.J.

How I miss the baby days…so I play voice recordings and videos to soak those days all in

How I anticipate the growing years…so I make videos and write notes to prepare us for the life ahead.

Nothing we can give you could ever tell how much we adore and love you…my heart beats which each note typed, each thought of you both…

I pray for many more years of Grace, strength, laughter, great health, wisdom, and joyful bliss.

I love you to the ends of the earth and beyond…you are the best thing I could ever do.

Signing off

Forever and always,

Mommy

 I continue to write for and to the girls, and every year since they turned 1 i have written something to them for their birthday. I hope never to stop🙂.

 

Friday Ficitoneers: That Rainy Night

Renee decided to work late that night…it was no use going home. It was probably empty, and she was sure she would only feel worse if she did…

As she peered out the window of her Mother’s boutique she noticed it was pouring…just what she needed… an excuse to work even later than usual…if he called, she would tell him it was the rain. Not that it mattered…

She got up to pour herself another cup of coffee when she heard the door…the knock was perfectly synced with the thunder’s roar.

Renee panicked…Her half-filled mug came crashing as lighting flashed his reflection

Ps: I haven’t done this in so long, I can’t remember what the rules are anymore🙂.

We have been here before…

We’ve been here before… Too many times however… It is time to change the conversation… Prolong it past 2 days or media attention… Our homes are no longer safe…schools are mini war zones, the streets tainted, places of worship now defiled… It is time to extend the conversation past 2 days or media attention. We have been here before, too many times. 

#Charleston 

Late Night Showers

Water trails down my spine. Filling my navel plump. Stress eases into steam. Just as midnight strikes