Tag Archives: God

these days

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Always and Forever

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If there’s anyone who knows me then they know how deeply I love my dad, and the pride in my heart that I was his daughter.

Yesterday, my heart crashed inside when I got the news I still can’t bring myself to say.

To know my dad is to love him, he was wonderful, and good. It hurt me even more because I wasn’t there to love on him abundantly one last time. I had the plans but God had other plans.

I take comfort in my last image of him, and imagine my arms around him, and I whisper “I love you, and thank you.”

My dad did what many couldn’t, and he had no expectations for doing them. I hope he knows how much I love, adore, admire, and respect him. I hope he knows how grateful I am for everything. How fortunate to have been raised by him.

I learnt and saw tender love from my dad. The kindness of heart, and generosity of spirit. He was truly remarkable and unashamed in his love of us.

I remember listening to the radio as a little girl with him, and us trying to pronounce “Alabama.” I remember him sitting with his books and watching his granddaughters.

To know my dad is to love him. He was selfless, and good.

And while my heart is broken over this burning pain, I know in time it will get better. I also know I will sorely terribly miss him.

I am not alone in my feelings… my siblings’ hearts echo these same thoughts. We were most fortunate of children to have had him.

I hold on to all the great memories and God, were there so many…even towards the end.

I’m not sure how heaven works but he is now reconciled with his wife after 17 years of being without.

Daddy,

I have known and loved great men. The most of all you.

My heart holds you in its beats always and forever. Thank you!

Love profound

Your daughter and friend.

3/23/18 6:11am

things I got from my parents

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Simple Letters I continue to write- Age 8

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Simple Letters I continue to write- Age 8

It is almost unbelievable that in a few weeks, I will have 8 year old daughters…ha. I am but a child myself or at least so it seems…yet here I am writing notes to you, Ponle and Pekun as you both approach age 8…it feels like such a big number, and you are both excited…

For every minute I have been a mom to you, Ponle, and Pekun you are both the best things I could have ever done or dreamed to do…

As I sit here pondering what to say or write, I find myself at loss for words because there is so much I want to say yet I want to just be silent and bask in the joys I see from you both.

As you approach 8 and continue on to what I pray is long, happy and healthy years, my desire is that Grace leads you through these young years as it has brought you thus far…that confidence lights your path as you approach teenage years… confidence so bold and brave, you are certain of who you both are and face any adversity that being a teenager brings your way…the pressure however great, a winnable challenge for you both…

I pray that your young and adult years are directed by humility of purpose and passion…kindness and strength…I pray you lead and live peaceful, joyful, and content lives marking every aspect with intention and purpose…

Oh the joys, your lives have been and such gratitude because despite the challenges of motherhood, you are both blessings that no doubt give me strength to continue…

Ponle, you are funny, silly, smart, kind, thoughtful, and all kinds of wonderful…to think I thought you were daddy’s girl…only for the last few months to prove me wrong…our bond has grown beyond comprehension and I am so proud of our budding relationship…

I enjoy you asking for the longest kisses and pecks ever while begging to retaliate with what is even longer kisses and sneaky tickles…the laughter that oozes out of your tiny body is contagious and gets me every time.. I cannot help but remind you that I love you and you counter with loving me more…

Ponle you light up my heart just as you do any room you walk into…I look forward to strengthening what I can only imagine is you becoming mummy’s girl and taking my side every chance you get(no competitions with daddy😊).

I love how your face lights up when you talk about your day, and friends…the loyalty that dances in your eyes when you remember a silly joke you all shared is gratifying and I couldn’t be prouder when your teacher discusses your progress and leadership skills…

Your subtle reminders to Pekun that you are older by a whooping minute is funny…and your expression as you state the not so obvious is even funnier…like get with the program folks 😊.

If ever for a minute you doubt or worry about my love for you…please be rest assured in these words…PONLE I LOVE YOU…not just on days when the sun shines and all seems right in the world…but even on Monday evenings when I am tired, and out of breath from a long day’s work…and you hungry from a long day of school and activities just want to skip a proper dinner and order fries…I LOVE YOU even when I am screaming on cold Saturday mornings because you are throwing a most annoying tantrum and refuse to put your coat on…

I LOVE YOU, Ponle even when we have conversations about being quiet and calm at bed time, but somehow you find something else you need to say… if ever the doubt creeps up please be reminded of all the different times I love you…simply because you are Ponle, and my world would be nothing if you weren’t in it.

You are my pride, my joy, and absolute treasure…smiles light my face because Grace has just started with you…your absolute best days are ahead of you and together we will celebrate the ups and learn from the downs…I continue to enjoy being your mom and remain forever humble.

I wonder what age 8 has in store…if it is any indication of what the journey has been so far then we are in for a great blessed ride…HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PONLE…I LOVE YOU MORE (no contests).

Pekun, you are sweet, smart, mature, hardworking, funny, sometimes silly often serious yet all kinds of wonderful just like your sister…you both are so alike even when you aren’t trying… or not getting along…

Over the last few months, you have grown into your own person and continue to amaze and impress with your desire to learn, help, and be everything you can be…your laughter after an attempt to be serious and educate us is delightful and I enjoy teasing you in the most affectionate way…(I know sometimes it comes off as annoying)…

I love being your mom, and I am so proud of the leadership skills you portray every chance you get… your subtle confidence and immense kindness is admirable and my prayer is that life doesn’t taint the innocence that births this…I want you always to remember that you are brave, and bold…fear is nothing compared to the magnificence of the God living inside you…trust him always… and you will see that he is bigger than the fears…

I hope you smile more and let your brightness continue to shine… I pray you grow into a strong, passionate, and confident woman embracing every blessing you have been given…gosh; I hope you always find joy in every opportunity and keep worries far from your sweet heart….

I LOVE YOU Pekun, and many times you remind me of myself…except you are a better version…like I wrote to Ponle…if ever there is a flick of concern about how much I love you…please know this…my love for you is unshaken even when you are crying and trying to get your point across…I do not think less of you and I appreciate your vulnerability and sincerity…I just want you to be as tough as you can be…

I love you on days when I ask your sister to be quiet and she finds something to chatter about, and you both end up facing the wall or going to your rooms( it’s not fair, I know)… I love you when you run to your room after I have scolded you and you ask to be alone ha…I love you when you can’t make up your mind quick enough and my patience is wearing thin…they are just toys Pekun, pick one already😊.

I love you on Sundays when you just want to be lazy and play all day, calls for piano practices going unheard, and I especially love you when at night all is quiet…you ask for a book and an extra minute of back rubs…silent kisses gracing your forehead as I assume my soft I love you is unheard under the steady breath of your snores…a sweet smile forming for a easily missed second…I LOVE YOU PEKUN…

Ponle, Pekun you have both grown into your own young ladies and will continue to grow so help us God… please know that your sweet and kind natures are not marks of weakness or our inability to raise tough girls…on the contrary…kindness I have found is the hallmark of strength even in the face of adversity…attitudes determine altitude and even if it feels like the meanies are having their day in the sun…the great always outweighs the bad…you are tough in your own way but in a world of aggressions and brazen characters…sweet, kind, and thoughtful outweighs all…you are not second to anyone but always treat everyone with the same level of kindness and respect you expect from them…God has got you both in and out…

My prayers for age 8 are many yet simple…that you grow into what God has planned for you…sound minds, good health, and great characters all around…continue to be you, bold, kind, happy, responsible, respectful, and more…

Your best days are ahead of you both…Grace is making sure of that….

And just because it could never be said or written enough…from the depths of my heart and the pit of my being…I LOVE YOU…

Age 8 feels so grown but you are forever my cold December Thursday noon babies… always and forever even when you start getting too cool for pick me up and piggy backs…you are really too old for them now, but not cool enough to stop asking for them and guess what I love it 😁.

I could go on but for now…happy 8th birthday…here’s to many more happy healthy and blessed years.

With tears in my eyes and contentment in my heart…I hold these sweet moments in my eternity and never take them for granted…kisses from my lips to your hearts…safely tuck them away for always…

God bless you…Amen!

I love you more

Mom

I Question

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Prayers from these weary lips
Supplications from this trembling heart
Often go unanswered
Night after night
Or so it seems
These eyes lack sight
They do not see past the salty tears

The fate of earth a burden on these tired shoulders
Hope falling with every failed tear wiped dry
Somehow better must be done…
But when and how?
By whom and with what?

The weight of many worries crush my frame
It mocks my faith and belittles my beliefs

What do I believe these days?
Do I believe anymore?
I question life and day I question doubt and faith
I question my existence and its truth
What is my purpose in the midst of hurt that so overwhelms?

Those children going for nights without bread
Their crumbled roofs encircling death & reproach around them
Nightmares overshadow their sleep
Every morning those nightmares unfold in their pained reality

These lips tremble in prayer
This heart cries in supplication
It seeks for hope within my broken center

Perhaps my only hope
The answer that I seek is doing my part
And living in faith